Praise with Purpose: Raising Confident, Resilient Learners
Growth Mindset: How Praise Shapes Lifelong Resilience
Believe me…it matters. The words you use, the energy around those words, the timing…all of it matters.
Let’s tap into the power of “praise for the process” together!
If you are personally journaling, manifesting, meditating, or any other form of self-reflection then you understand the concepts of growth mindset and it’s time to weave them into everything you do…especially with these sweet humans we have the privilege to guide.
If you are parenting littles (which is probably what brought you to the other self-care/ inner-work strategies I listed before) then you DEFINITELY need to keep reading so you can either pat yourself on the back and keep rolling with the power of “praise for the process” or make a gentle shift and watch the magic happen.
TL;DR:
When we intentionally connect praise with effort, strategy, and progress instead of fixed traits (like “you’re so smart” or “good job”), we help young children — and people of all ages — develop confidence, competence, and resilience. A growth mindset doesn’t diminish joy or celebration of skills; it reframes it so children learn to value process, curiosity, and adaptation — foundations that support lifelong learning and adaptive change.
Here’s why this is on my mind. Last week, I posted a comment in response to a mama friend asking for ideas to pump some confidence, calm and serenity into their child to allow for that truly vibrant and amazing personality to shine through.
I responded with this…a simple shift in how we “talk about our kids” as parents; saying something like…”brag” on your child’s strengths and other traits that are a work in progress so that they can hear you singing their praise to others. It really is such a great strategy! But it got me thinking…where did I learn this? I feel like it was some parenting class I was part of before my first was born…so finding my hand written notes for references is not gonna happen. This isn’t a strategy that I can claim, but it is a strategy that I can stand by since I have used it with both my own boys AND I use this philosophy in my therapy sessions ALL THE TIME!
So off I went, down a rabbit hole, to dig a bit deeper into the science behind how praise works and what we can do, as parents and as clinicians, to better support children (and each other) as we build self-worth and resilience to tackle all the things that life throws our way. It’s the bread and butter of establishing a growth mindset versus and fixed mindset – and something you can start using right now FOR FREE to make a big impact😊.
While I will give some general examples, many of my examples will connect back to the work I do in clinical practice as a speech-language pathologist, feeding therapist, myofunctional therapist, breath and sleep coach; but I am confident you will find that there is literally no limit to the benefits of making this shift across the board!
Why Growth Mindset Matters — Beyond “Good Job”
In shaping development — whether for breathing, feeding, movement, speech, or emotional regulation — what matters most isn’t that a child looks successful, but that a child learns how to engage with challenge — and trust in their capacity to learn from it.
Research on mindset shows that when praise focuses on effort, strategy, and persistence, children:
Take on challenges more willingly
Persist longer when tasks feel hard
Show greater intrinsic motivation
Recover more quickly from setbacks
(Dweck et al., Ustozlar et al., 2026)
This isn’t about empty positivity. It’s about cultivating psychological flexibility and resilience — the kind of skills that are essential to a joy-filled human experience and or even skills that are critical for a health-filled life like nasal breathing, tongue posture, strong oral motor patterns or efficient feeding strategies.
Make it a point to hold space and bring value to each unique and individualized quality you see in your child.
Let your words be the fertilizer so they can grow anywhere:)
Praise That Builds Resilience: Focus on Process, Not Person
Traditional praise (person-praise) tends to highlight traits:
“You’re so smart!”
“You’re a natural athlete!”
“You such a good eater…you cleaned your plate!”
These statements, while well-intentioned, can inadvertently teach a child that their self-worth depends on perfection or being good immediately. When things get tough, children with this mindset may show hesitation, withdrawal, or avoidance of challenges.
Instead, research supports process-oriented praise, such as:
“I notice how hard you worked on that!”
“You tried a new way when the first way didn’t work.”
“You stayed curious even when it was tricky.”
This type of feedback:
Encourages effortful learning
Reinforces strategies that support skill building
Helps children internalize that growth comes from engagement and practice
In therapeutic work — such as feeding or motor learning — this mirrors how we scaffold learning: we honor the steps, attune to process, and celebrate progress.
This is why “progress” in feeding therapy is tracked differently in my brain. Every little tiny incremental skill development in the right direction is powerful, but the real flex comes when the kiddo has an intrinsic connection to what that “feels” like and is able to connect to the process along the way. A Growth Mindset Isn’t Only for the Kiddos
While often discussed in early childhood contexts, growth mindset has relevance at every age. Walk the walk and talk the talk…it’s for the kids but it’s worth it for your own mental health too!
For adolescents:
Process-focused praise supports identity development. Teens navigating social, academic, and emotional challenges benefit when adults highlight perseverance and strategy over fixed outcomes. In this social-media frenzied world we live in having strategies to combat negative thoughts and negative self-talk is not only proactive but non-negotiable.
For adults:
Whether learning a new skill, adapting to health changes, or refining professional skill mastery, people flourish when they see effort as meaningful and setbacks as data rather than proof of incapacity.
I love the phrase “setbacks are data” and I’m sure you’ve heard me say “trial and progress” or “trial and data collection” a million times over!
Integrating Growth Mindset into Everyday Moments
Here’s how to shift language and intent, without losing connection:
Before a Task
Instead of: “Be perfect!” or “Do your best!”
Say: “Let’s try something new — I’m excited to see how you explore it!” or my personal fave for morning or sports practice drop offs – “Big heart, flexible mind!”
During a Challenge
Instead of: “You’re getting closer.”
Say: “I love how you’re adjusting your approach when it feels hard.” Change in real time shows self-awareness and is a signal of neuroplasticity.
After Success — Especially Hard-Earned Success
Instead of: “You’re so talented!”
Say: “You put in a lot of effort and stayed with this — that’s impressive.”
These examples align with research showing that children remember how they were made to feel about effort more than how they were told they performed.
My Therapeutic Approach: A Natural Fit with Growth Mindset
Across my clinical domains — infant/toddler feeding, oral motor development, myofunctional therapy, and holistic support — I apply:
Careful observation
Incremental shaping of skills
Responsive scaffolding
Family-centered coaching
Valuing adaptive change over perfect performance
A growth mindset deepens this work. It reframes feedback so that:
✔ Effort becomes visible and honored
✔ Curiosity trumps avoidance
✔ Struggle is expected and usable
✔ Confidence arises from doing, not just being praised
This creates a therapeutic culture where children and families learn to thrive in complexity, not just perform in simplicity.
Practical Tools for Clinicians and Caregivers
1. Reflect Before You Praise
Ask yourself: What exactly did the child DO?
Highlight effort or strategy first.
2. Normalize Challenge
Share statements like: “I notice that was hard — that means your brain is learning.”
3. Teach Error as Feedback
Model phrases like: “Okay — that didn’t work. What else can we try?”
4. Collaborate for Carryover
Coach your village to use process-oriented praise at home and across all the natural environments for the child (school, daycare, extracurriculars, etc). This aligns therapeutic gains with everyday life.
In Summary
Praise isn’t inherently harmful — but when it emphasizes fixed traits, it can limit a child’s willingness to explore, adapt, and persevere. Grounded in evidence from growth mindset research, process-oriented praise gives children — and adults — the psychological tools to face challenge with confidence, competence, and resiliency.
By weaving this mindset into therapeutic work and everyday interactions, we help shape learners who don’t just succeed, but continue to grow — throughout infancy, childhood, and beyond.
Empowered Milestones
with
Amanda Chastain
MA, CCC, SLP, COM